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Welcome to the DCSD Notebook Parent University [music] Edition. Whether you're new here or a veteran listener, we're so glad you're here. My name is [music] Amy Fister and I'm the community relations coordinator here at Douglas County School District. Parent University was created originally to

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help families navigate [music] the parenting waters of having school-aged children by discussing relevant [music] topics with industry experts and local community partners. The hope and goal is to help equip [music] our families with knowledge and resources to help support

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them in better understanding some of the [music] challenges our kiddos are facing in today's day and age. We have a sizable library of past parent university recordings and are going [music] back into the archives to take past episodes that were originally recorded on Zoom and turn them [music]

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into a podcast. On today's episode, we're talking with Stacy Ingram, founder [music] of Cultivate Your Courage. Originally recorded in March of 2025, Stacy specializes [music] in empowering young student athletes and performers to overcome the invisible

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barriers that often hinder their performance. With a focus on the mental side of her game, [music] her programs are designed to equip athletes and performers with cognitive tools [music] and resilience needed for success both in sports, the arts, and in everyday

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[music] life. We hope you enjoy this episode and as always, a big thank you to Stacy Ingram, our guest, and HDA Health1 Skyidge for their parent university sponsorship. Stacy, I will turn it over to you. So, as Amy mentioned, we're going to

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obviously talk about burnout and sports and performance today. And what I mean by the performance side is it doesn't really matter whether you're an athlete, whether you're in cheer, whether you're in dance. All of those things are really athletic and take a huge amount of

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commitment obviously from our teens. So, as Amy mentioned, I am a mental toughness and performance coach. And if you're wondering kind of what that is, so mental toughness is basically our ability to bounce back. So, being able

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to deal with adversity, being able to manage our emotions, being able to have self-belief, and a lot of those things, we think our athletes just have it because they seem so confident a lot of the time. And sometimes they're

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confident on the outside, but they're not confident on the inside. So, we're we're often working with that. So top reasons, these are kind of the things that that we find is so our athletes are facing stress, anxiety, um

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they are not understanding how to set goals in a way that's realistic for them. So sometimes that can put them in a bad headsp space. Um they're not always focused. As many of us know, even with our own social media, we're bouncing back and forth from thing to

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thing to thing. and our athletes and our kids are doing that too. And so being able to really teach them how to focus again when they need to and being able to do it quickly. Um, a lot of my athletes are just looking to be a stronger competitor and some are just

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looking for personal growth. So it's a little bit all over the board. I will say there are a lot of coaches out there that really feel like you don't need a mental toughness coach unless you have a problem like unless you're freezing

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during a game or unless you're screaming on the field or any of those things we sometimes witness. And yes, um, mental toughness coaches help with that, but also a lot of times it's just to manage

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the mental side of what's happening for our athletes and our students. So, as you might or might or might not know, so an athlete that has both mental training and physical training together, often they can beat somebody that has the

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physiological talent, but can't manage themselves on the mental side of the game. So, it really can be an advantage for players. It can be a confidence booster for players, and to be honest, it can just help them enjoy their sport again. You guys, I'm really sorry that you're

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having to page through it like this. Okay, so burnout in sports, um, what is it? First of all, there is a huge relationship, as you can imagine, between the mental side of us and a physical side of us. So, everything

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plays a pivotal role. everything from the signals that are coming from our brain to how we manage our nervous system to how we breathe. All of the things that can affect our physiology can really make a huge difference. And

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so they're very interconnected. And that's why a lot of times we say this is we see with our athletes kind of everything on the outside is changing but nothing on the inside is changing a lot of the time. And when that happens, our athletes feel like training harder

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is the answer. And so they're putting in more reps, more time, more effort into what they're doing, thinking that they can kind of overcome that hurdle and not really understanding why they're getting stuck. And a lot of times we're trying

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to build that mental muscle. So we build muscle memory in our brain just like we build it um in our actual body. And that's what really helps us when we have those two connecting. So burnout, you know what is it? Um,

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sorry guys. It occurs when there's so much stress. So usually when there's an amount of physical, mental, emotional exhaustion and a lot of times that can come from things outside of our sport, but it also

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can come from inside of our sport. And so when we are in this place, we're so tired that rest isn't even really helping. And so it's not just being physically tired. We are just at sort of

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the end of all of our energy. So it's really real. Like burnout is this thing that is a mental health disorder. And I think a lot of people don't think about it like that, which is why it gets a little bit less visibility. And I think we also think of

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it a lot in more of a corporate setting or a career type setting and not as much with our athletes. But we're seeing athletes all the time that are in this place. And a lot of these kids, you know, they start what they're doing at 3

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or four years old. And so by the time they're in high school, they are really darn good. And usually they're playing year round. They're playing club. They're traveling all the time. And so this is an an immense amount of their

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life. And we'll talk about that a little bit more as we go further into this. But it really impacts our brain function. So a lot of times with burnout, we see cognitive changes. um we actually see

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physical changes in the brain which we'll talk about a little bit and we see a lot of our neural connections weakened. So basically we can have positive neuro connections or we can have negative neuro connections and a

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lot of times we're able to guide which way we go if we kind of help spiral ourselves up or we help spiral ourselves down. And when we're in a stage of burnout, we're usually going on the downward path. And luckily, the thing

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that is a good thing, well, we're not quite there, but um let me get through this. So, cortisol, cortisol is obviously a stress hormone response. So the body system when it burns out, it

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makes it harder to handle some of these internal chemicals and because of that that affects our physiology. On the mental side, we're seeing a lot of this with stress.

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So stress can affect our decision making. Um it can make us more impulsive. It can also create uh memory issues sometimes impairment.

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It can be fear which a lot of the things that happen with fear are central to our nervous system and that plays out in sports all the time and learning as I think many of us know like when we're

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stressed out it's really hard for us to concentrate. it's hard for us to kind of put in that same level of effort and that happens whether you know we're in the classroom or we're on the field and so a lot of times those hormones are making it difficult for us to manage

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ourselves. So unique challenges right by our high school kids they have huge academic responsibilities. So, as many of you are familiar, but so many of these kids have AP classes, all the homework that comes with that. Like, I have athletes

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literally doing their homework at midnight cuz that's the only time they have. And yet, they're, you know, at the high level for their courses and it's really important to them. So, they're trying to fit it all in. They have all the social pressure and a lot of demand

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for excellence. And that doesn't always come from us. It doesn't always come from their coach. Mostly they're the hardest on themselves. But I will say, you know, think about the expectations at that level. So for us as parents,

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we've spent years driving our kids back and forth to games. We've spent an immense amount of money towards these sports. And so we get really invested too. And we're invested because obviously we love our kids and want to

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see their success, but we're also invested with our time and money. And so sometimes we get we are creating pressure that we don't realize we're creating. And also our kids do it and then they have their

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coach. And you know, coaches are different. So, I'm sure you've experienced both, but there's the coaches that are very instructional and like pretty level-headed. And then there's the coaches that are what I

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would call screamer coaches. And the screamer coaches are tough and create burnout faster, frankly. [snorts] And every bit of psychological research will tell you that's not the way to coach. if you want results, if you want somebody

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to listen to you in the moment, that's not the way to coach these kids. But I would say we see about half and half. And so there's a broad variety. I will say the one thing that it does help with these athletes is, you know, they're going to run into difficult people

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throughout their entire life. And so it teaches them skills on how do I effectively deal with someone like that in a respectful manner and still learn and understand what they're trying to tell me.

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So performance anxiety, a lot of our athletes are really nervous before they go on. So I'll give you an example. I have one athlete that when I started working with her, her fingers like right here on the cuticle, they

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were bloody on every single finger. And she would pick at her skin and her cuticles until her finger fingers would bleed. And she would do that all week before her meet. And so, of course, first thing I'm like, "No, no, that can't continue." But it shows you the

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level of stress that a lot of times they're under. So, I will tell you, every time I see her now, I'm like, "Let me see your hands." And it just can make a big difference for them because if they feel confident going into what they're doing, to be honest, win or

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lose, they handle it a lot better versus if they're that nervous and that on edge, that's just a recipe for burnout. I mean, you're going to get there quicker. So, obviously, as parents, we're trying

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to do the right thing always. we we're trying to say the right thing and be supportive, but I will say our words have a lot of impact and sometimes we pop off with something after a game or whatever

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and our kids remember it for a really long time. And so being able to be a little bit more intentional about the words we use, how we talk to our kids after the game or meet or performance,

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you know, they're looking for encouragement from us. And they're looking for that way more than they're looking for instruction, even though it's our natural nature to just say, "Oh, well, you know, when you did this,

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you maybe could try that." like we're just trying to be helpful, but in most cases, they're not ready to hear it in that moment. They just are tired. You know, they're fatigued and that is not the time really. So, a lot of times I

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tell my parents is if you can actually ask permission, if you can say, "Hey, I'd love to talk with you more about this. Is it okay if we talk about it tomorrow or is it okay if we talk about it now?" And if they say no, then say,

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"Well, when would you feel comfortable talking about it?" So, it's not that you can't ever discuss those kinds of things. It's just being careful how we do it, being mindful of the state of mind our athlete might be in when we're doing it. I can tell you they're much

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more receptive once they're not exhausted. They actually are able to kind of calm their their body and all their systems down and get to a place that they're more relaxed. they can accept the feedback a lot better for sure.

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All right, so signs of burnout. So here we go. Like we could have a very long list of this, but I'll read them around for you here. Is constantly tired, having a negative attitude at training,

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at practice, um complaining about not seeing results for the practice and the work they're putting in. a loss of enjoyment, like they're just honestly not having fun anymore. Uh, no interests outside of the sport. So, that's really

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when the sport has become their entire identity. So, it's more about, okay, I'm the football p, you know, I'm this, I'm that, but not knowing who they are more at an internal level beyond that can

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drive it. um being self-critical, like having really unrealistic goals. So, I work with my athletes a lot on that is, you know, I think when we're in high school, no one teaches us how to set goals. We just know we want to get from here to here. We don't know what happens in the middle. And a lot of times we

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didn't plan anything for the middle. And so then we get disappointed when we haven't gotten to our final goal. instead of learning how to make step goals so that we can achieve a little, achieve a little, achieve a little until we get to our final goal and we don't

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get so discouraged along the way. And that sounds simple for us as adults, but when we're in high school, those just aren't things that really are taught to us. And so, we tend to shoot for the fences, which we're not discouraging at all. We're just saying have a path to

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get there. and then withdrawing some from practice or training, not being as involved as they normally would be. Kind of signs of eating issues. And it can go either way, either overeating or under,

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uh, mood swings, exaggerated, you know, physical symptoms um, that are happening. So, even more so than what seems typical for whatever the physical issue is. And a lot of times these symptoms are

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beyond their sport. So they're spilling into kind of the rest of their life. So we'll go through them here a little bit in the different types. So chronic tired, as we mentioned, irritability, sometimes you're not sleeping well and

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you really are not enjoying what you're doing at all. It really feels like a chore. And sometimes they're doing it for somebody else. Sometimes they're doing it for us as parents. Sometimes they're doing it because they think their coach

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would be disappointed if they stopped. And I think burnout, you know, it's not something where they have to leave their sport when we catch it in time. Sometimes if we don't catch it in time, they do have to leave their sport. And

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gosh, that is not what we want for them. And part of it is just because we don't want them to look back at all the time they put into this and have just not a good feeling about it. So if they stop playing at some point in time, we want

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them to be able to look back and say, "Wow, I had so much fun doing this. I learned a lot doing that." And have these positive experiences about their sport, everything that went into it. where if they continue on the path with

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burnout, often we don't see that. They look back just with a negative attitude about all of it, like it wasn't worth it. I don't know why I did it. Um on and on and on. So, decreased motivation, we see, as I

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mentioned, really disengaging. Um sometimes that is in practice, but we've also seen it sometimes in competition. It's almost like they're subconsciously holding themselves back because then they feel like they don't have to work so hard. And they're typically not doing

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it consciously, but when they are in that mode of competition, sometimes we see some of that self-sabotage popping up. Um, difficulty concentrating. So, a lot of times they can't pay attention. They aren't really listening in practice

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when they are getting, you know, tips or instruction. and they're kind of off in their own world a little bit and their self-esteem can really take a hit when they have this happening, right? So, joy is gone. Increased anxiety and depression. Um,

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we're going to talk a little bit more about depression and what that looks like versus burnout because there's some overlap, but there's a lot of hopelessness in both and obviously we want to try and help with that as much as we can. So mood swings, um change in

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personality. So sometimes we actually see athletes that are, you know, normally super outgoing, being really quiet, somebody that, you know, might always like to have conversation with their parents, all of a sudden does not.

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They just are kind of distant and on their own. So on the physical side, what we see is the chronic fatigue as we're talking about, but we also see a loss of performance a lot of times where they're almost start to go backwards a little

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bit and that can be sometimes that self-sabotage. It can sometimes be the lack of focus and sometimes they just can't physically do what they were doing before. So we often do see that decline

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happen. So the other things um often our athletes their immune system just tanks. So they have a really weak immune system. They're constantly getting colds, flu, other things happening. Um

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sometimes they have a higher heart rate. And then the appetite, typically it's appetite loss versus the other way around, but it can be either. And then here we're going to talk a little bit about understanding motivation.

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So when our kids started playing a sport, doing dance, being in cheer, when they first started doing that, they did it cuz it was fun. They were able to be with their friends. They thought the activity was fun. they liked the

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physical part of it. Um, all of those pieces are kind of intrinsic motivation. So, it's something inside of ourselves that's motivating us to want to work harder, to move forward, to keep really

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doing more in what we're what we're doing, trying to accomplish more. But what happens with burnout is we typically shift to extttrinsic motivation. And as athletes progress in

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their sport over the years, often this is what happens is it becomes about the trophies, the scholarships, the money, the approval of other people, the social media, the you know participation in certain elite teams. So these shifts are

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all exttrinsic motivators. And so a lot of times while they want to continue to improve, those things that really help them love the sport in the beginning are are going away. They're not there as much anymore. And so that really creates

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a totally different environment for what they're doing. So they kind of start to feel trapped and they sometimes feel controlled. Sometimes they feel like they have no control over their life anymore, like everybody else is controlling it for them, their coach,

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and um their parents. And a lot of times these players have other coaches like a special type coach like a shooting coach or a speed coach or so they have a lot of people kind of helping them but also pulling on them too. And so a lot of

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times they feel a little bit out of control with that and it can lead to a lot of feelings that they just don't have the autonomy that you know they had before. I promise we're going to get to what we're going to do about this.

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So all right. So in numbers 72% of student athletes experience staleness. What that means is they aren't as excited about their sport as they used to be. Uh 66% report overtraining. So this comes back

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to when we're talking about sometimes our athletes, they just keep training because they think that's going to get them to the next level. And honestly, sometimes it does. But a lot of times we also see the overtraining where they're

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not taking the mental pieces into account. They're overtraining the physical and then that's how they're ultimately getting to a place where they're just burned out. They're tired on every level. So 47% feel burned out at some point in college if they're

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going to play in college often. And we can skip the bottom one, but it just there it goes to show like female and male it doesn't matter too much really. This burnout issue happens in

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both about the same rate. Uh so burnout versus depression. So athletes that are diagnosed with depression sometimes are actually experiencing burnout and sometimes it's the other way

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around. So key differences are, you know, burnout is usually linked specifically to a sport where depression impacts sort of all stages of your life where burnout might

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spill over some, but depression spills over a lot. And so misdiagnosis is a big deal because the treatment's totally different. You know, if you are depressed, you're going to see a clinical counselor or a therapist

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versus like a mental toughness coach. It's a totally different method of how we're fixing the problem, right? So, what can we do? We need to start start protecting that intrinsic motivation.

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Figuring out how we keep some of these things fun. figuring out the parts that our athletes enjoy. I'll tell you, I always go through with my students kind of their big why and we work all the way

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down like, okay, what why do you do this and then what does that give you and then what does that give you? And we keep going down the line for a while. And I was working with a high school student who plays football and is at a

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pretty high level. And I will tell you, he could not tell me why he plays the game at all. You know, like what he still likes about it, what he couldn't tell me. And that kind of gets back to this is it needs to be fun. That's I

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mean that's where it started. That doesn't mean we don't want to win. It doesn't mean we don't want to do our best. It just means that there's more to it than winning. So we need a balanced recovery. A lot of athletes, they plan their training really hard and do a great job with that

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part, but when it comes to recovery, they don't plan any time for that. They don't have any kind of method to do that. And so, they skip it. They skip the recovery piece or they just do a little bit. And a lot of times it's not enough depending on where they are at.

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So, really understanding what's happening for them and then being sure that they're planning for recovery. And if you don't see that in your athlete, it's worth the question for sure to ask and say, "Hey, what do you normally do to kind of get your energy back and see

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what they have to say about it? All right. So, success should not come at the cost of mental health. So, we want to ensure that our athletes thrive in performance and well-being both." So, a lot of times

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we're going to try interventions. So, in this case, goals like we talked about for a second is setting short-term goals to kind of bolster their motivation and their confidence and then practicing stress reduction techniques, teaching them how to do

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different things. And while yes, this says meditation, visualization, and mindfulness, there are many short techniques. Like there's certainly things they can do in the game, these are not things you do in the game. These are things you do at another time. And I think the other piece of that is a lot

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of times people hear those words meditation, mindfulness, visualization, and go right to, oh, that's just this woo woo thing. What's that going to do? And I think that's because nobody starts with the science. There's real science behind all three of those. And so, for

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example, visualization. Our unconscious mind does not know the difference between what's real and what's not real in some of these situations. So, if you teach someone how to do visualization correctly,

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it's almost like they're practicing on the field in their mind, in their brain. That is exactly the process their brain is going through, but they have to know how to do it. And same for meditation and mindfulness. You know, I always I always joke with the

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kids, but I'm like, I'm going to give you a very small science lesson on why this piece works because I want them to understand it. I want them to know why taking the time to do some of these things makes a difference for them.

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Um, human body needs recovery. So if not obviously our performance begins to suffer and that's why we start to see some of that breakdown in what's happening for our athletes. All right. So stages.

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So there's about 12 of them. So stages of burnout go from I need to prove myself. I need to show everybody I can really do this. And then increased effort. I'm going to work harder. I'm going to all of a sudden start kind

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of neglecting what I need. Like I might not be eating very well. I might not be sleeping very well. I might not be doing anything besides my sport or anything that kind of allows me to recharge a little bit. Um we start to displace

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conflict and needs. We sometimes change our values. What matters to us starts to change. what's important in our life and in other people. We deny it. We usually say, "I'm fine."

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I don't know how many people have ever had their kids say, "I'm fine." But I'm sure most of us when you knew they were not fine. But that happens a lot. And withdrawal. So someone that normally is hanging out with the family, doing

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something fun or watching movie or whatever, all of a sudden doesn't want to anymore. they just want to sit in their room or stay on their phone or kind of not engage [clears throat] with with everyone else around them. And that didn't used to be how they behaved.

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So, behavioral changes, um, depersonalization, they start to kind of separate everything and almost zone out about it a little bit and feel a little bit empty inside and just all of that

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motivation is gone. But all the hard work is still there. And so then sometimes that can lead to depression. But obviously we don't want to let it get that far. So we want to do everything we can do on the right side

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of this circle that leads up to from need to improve oneself to denial. And we really don't want to go any further. So as much as we can step in early, the bigger the bigger impact we can have. So, risk factors,

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uh, specializing in one sport early. This often is not a choice as much as we would like it to be. Clearly, as our kids get older, there's definitely some athletes that are opposite seasons, things like that, they can make it work,

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but once they get to the place where their club teams and all of that, a lot of times, travel schedule conflicts, things like that, and it just doesn't work. So, we do at some point often have to choose, but up until that point, the

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more our kids can have time trying different things out, the better. Um, also another risk factor, sudden increase in training. all of a sudden you see so so much more um participation

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in endurance sports is also a little bit more ripe for burnout than other types of sports. Any kind of sport that has high anxiety and we could argue that all of them do but some clearly have higher levels than

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others based on kind of the safety piece of it. Um there's all kinds of things that go into it, but if your athlete is perceiving it as high anxiety, it's high anxiety for them. So trying to figure that out, kind of this self-esteem piece

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that changes and pressure from parents and coaches. And I know again when I say, you know, pressure from parents, please don't take that the wrong way because I know that none of us do that on purpose. like we're all trying to support our kids and

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sometimes what we're trying to do and what they see comes out differently even though that's not how we meant it. And so just being really mindful of what are we saying? What are we doing? How are we interacting? What are we noticing even

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about our athletes and what is different? So again, no longer having fun dominating his, her, and their famil family's lives. Okay, this is a hard one too because once you get to a certain

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age, you have so much practice and so many other things that it often does dominate our time. I can tell you that both of my girls barely know how to ski. And the reason they don't is because one of my girls played club basketball and

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she had tournaments all weekend every weekend and if she missed she was going to sit the bench so she didn't want to ever miss which meant and we worked full-time so that meant um we didn't do a lot of skiing and so that's a prime

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example and I mean when she was playing I wasn't doing a lot of this work and now that I know what I know I definitely can look back and see some of the signs in her of different pieces of this, but

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also I think that it's our life, too. And so trying to figure out what is the right way to make that work. So, it may dominate a lot of our time, but we also might make a special effort to every

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weekend we're going to do one thing that's fun, even if it's something simple, like always after games, we're going to get ice cream as a family or we're going to go out to dinner. And the important piece about that is just that if you start something like that and

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it's something you do every single time like ritualistically then you have to just be sure that you do it win or loss because there are some people that kind of will say oh well we lost so no ice cream or we're not going to do that cuz

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they're frustrated with their athlete. And that is something that just drives this even more. it kind of just digs that wedge of pressure in. So having them feel supported whether win, lose,

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whatever um by their parents, even if you think that they don't care what you think, they absolutely do. And so a lot of times they just want to feel seen, appreciated, um appreciated for all the hard work they're putting in and they want to feel

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kind of in control a little bit. So, the other thing that can kind of be a sign is if all you talk about is is their sport. If there's nothing else to talk about at the dinner table other than that,

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that can be a sign. So, definitely as much as you can try and, as I mentioned, pull in a few other things that aren't the sport, as much as you can. And then also being able to if they need a doctor, if they're having

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something medically going on, listen to them and hear them. Um I have a friend who actually he played a lot of sports in high school, but um football in particular, he hurt his back and his dad

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um [clears throat] just kept pushing him like, "We're not taking you in. You just need to figure it out. you you know and [snorts] he almost ended up paralyzed because he didn't get the attention that he needed as early as he needed it and it would

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have made such a huge difference in his recovery if he had had that right away. And so a lot of times we just tell our kids to toughen up and I'm not saying that's never true. Sometimes it is. But we just need to be careful like do they really need to see a doctor? I'd rather

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be safe than sorry myself. So, when the only important thing to the athlete or the parent is winning, that is definitely a risk factor. Um, if you have a female athlete and she's 16 and hasn't gotten her period yet, that's

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that's an indication and a risk factor. Um, diet. If you see a lot of dieting one way or the other, obviously we see that some with wrestling, with weight class, but there is a lot of pressure body-wise on our athletes. They're

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changing in um locker rooms. They're around their teammates, but they're really sensitive about their body, whether they feel like it's too big, too little, to this, to that. And if someone ever says something

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to them, it's even worse. So, our kids are really hyperfocused on that. I think sometimes a little bit more than we realize they are. All right. So, how's it diagnosed? There's no real test, unfortunately.

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There is a quiz and there's a few other things you can do. I'm actually when Amy posts this online, I'll see if we can put that in with it so that as a parent you can get it if you'd like. And also a few other tips. Um it's really based on

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your athletes story. So what are the symptoms that are happening that you see that they see? What other explanation could there be for the symptoms? So could it be depression? Could they just be sick? Is this a short-term thing

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or a long-term thing? So, really trying to rule out other things, but if we miss it, they can get to depression and we don't want that to happen. So, basically, it's an extreme case of some of the things we're talking about

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being upset, angry, tired, frustrated, and it can have a huge impact on our athletes lives and ours. So when we were talking about brain development earlier, here's the good news, good news and bad news. So once we

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hit age of 25, our brain doesn't develop nearly as quickly. But we are developing our brain up until 25. And so lots of changes can happen. But if you wonder why your your teenagers are

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um so agitated sometimes, why they take risks they shouldn't, why they do some of the things they do is quite honestly some of their brain development hasn't happened yet. And so up until the age 25, there's a lot of changes that can happen. They learn faster. Um but

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they're also at this stage more emotional. And that can mean irritable, but it can also be other things, disappointment, etc. So what we try and teach is all of this is around neuroplasticity which means either you

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can make kind of positive things happening in your brain or negative. And what we're trying to do is obviously do the positive. So we teach kids how to do that and help them learn how do we start noticing the positives and not

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just the negatives. So, think about think about when you're looking for a new car and all of a sudden you have this car you want. I want this in red. All of a sudden, you see that red car everywhere and you didn't before. And the reason why is it's just called confirmation bias. Is basically our

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brain starts looking for evidence of what we think is true. And so, we start noticing all of the things that line up. And that happens in all kinds of situations. And so I tell these athletes a lot, I'm like, "Don't make up the middle. You know these facts and you know these facts. Don't make up the

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middle because our brain is either looking for all positive or all negative and ignoring the other one even if it's there." So they have to learn a little bit on how to do that, how to guide their brain and be in charge.

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So what does it feel like in their brain? Um weaker neural connections. So it actually adjusts some of the connections in the amygdala and these are a lot of times areas linked to emotional distress

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and executive function which comes back to why they all of a sudden are just kind of zoned out. Um they also tend to be a lot more irritable because of this reason. So that's sort of where that comes from. So more isn't better. Sometimes it is.

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I'm not saying never, but with this burnout situation, a lot of times what we are seeing is kids overtraining. So, they just aren't putting that recovery piece in there and they're not letting their body catch

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back up to what's happening for them. So, really, as you can tell, it's really a combination of emotional and physical stress from training. So causes, we've talked a lot about them, but

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overload, perfectionism, we see that a lot with our athletes and our kids. Um, strong need for recognition, wanting somebody to see that we're doing well. kind of overexerting ourselves, extra self-criticism,

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um goals that aren't reachable because they're not kind of aligned, and then their inability to say no and set boundaries when they need to. So, lack of support sometimes. There can also be

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bullying at times and conflict. We don't see that as much, but it can happen. And then difficult schedule. they have a lot of time pressure, uh, little influence on some of their schedules. So, I'll give you another

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example is sometimes I'll have college players that they get injured and all of a sudden their team isn't dictating every piece of their free time and they don't know what to do with themselves. And that comes back to kind of identity is what else do you enjoy? What else do

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you like? How do we put a few other things into your life that you might not have? Because when you're in college athletics, even high school or club, a lot of times your schedule's being made for you. And so you don't have as much

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flexibility on time as you might otherwise. So, how do we address it or why? Because of chronic health issues, we don't want it to get deeper. Um, we want our kids to be able to regulate their emotions so they're not screaming at us for no

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reason or their sibling. um we don't want them to have a reduced quality of life and so what can we do right prioritize rest and recovery build stress management things but there's even more so recovery techniques

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incorporate regular breaks when you can um set boundaries as far as extra workouts things like that and then teach them how to do some of the calming techniques There's a lot of things with breathing

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exercises and I think that's one thing also we tend to go breathing what is breathing what is that going to do for you and really what there's different types of doing it different approaches but what it's really doing is it's changing the communication between your

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brain your heart and your nervous system and all of those things can either amp you up or amp you down. So just being sure you know which way you want to go, pursuing a few hobbies outside of our

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sport, super important as we've talked about. And then what kinds of things can we do that are kind of daily energy enhancers. So sometimes that is being physical but in a calmer way. So, walking,

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stretching, maybe we're having a little dance party, um having a better diet, making sure they're having lots of water, and sometimes practicing gratitude. And a lot of times, too, this doesn't have to be all external things. They can even

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look at what are three things that I did well in practice today and what's maybe one thing I want to work on to try and keep that positivity up about okay maybe I'm not a starter or maybe I'm not this or that but I'm still doing hard things

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I'm still making a difference I am growing in what I'm doing and I love it so there's lots of other reasons to play so building a support network is important certain do they have friends? Do they have family support? Do they

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have a mental toughness coach or someone like that? Do they have a trusted athletic coach? Um kind of where are their relationship connections and do they have places that they can kind of release when they need to.

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All right, we're getting there. I promise. So, we want to kind of change their relationship with the sport just a little bit. So, we want them to be able to have coping tools. Breathing is one. As I

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mentioned, there's lots of little apps you can download on your phone that have different kind of walkthroughs of either visualizations, meditations, things like that. Um, so that is a possibility. And if that's something you want to know

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more about, I can help with that. And then having a healthy perspective as a parent. So, as much as we can really be looking at our kids as the whole child, how do we make sure they have what they need beyond our sport so they're not

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just in this burnout stage? Um, and this is what I was talking about earlier is after a practice or a game, try and avoid speaking to your athlete first about what just happened and let them let them lead like let them talk about

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it first. It really changes some of the emotional pieces of it so that there's not kind of animosity that can be there. I'm not saying it always is, but it definitely can be there. And then it's not about the outcome. I know we all

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want to win and we all want our kids to win and it is important but at the same time if they focus only on the outcome often they make mistakes because they're

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not truly focused. They're not playing freely. Their body tightens up. you know, like if they're behind in the game, all of a sudden their physiology changes, their heart rate changes. So, there's a lot of pieces if they're only

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focused on the outcome that can really get in the way. And so a lot of times we teach kids to focus on the process and we'll go through what that looks like so they have a hard process they're following like what is what do I do before game what do I do during what do

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I do after you know what do I do the night before so that they're really able to dial in the things they need to and not kind of get just freaked out about the score. Um and the other thing is you know they can only play for them. So we

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talk a lot about what can you control? We can control our attitude. We can control our effort. And we can control our preparation. And clearly a lot goes into the preparation piece. But those are the three things we can control. Like for baseball, can I control what

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the umpire is doing even if he's totally wrong? No, I can't. So I can be mad about it, but if I focus on that, all of a sudden I'm not focused on the next pitch. I'm just mad. and then I'm not playing my best. And also, I can't predict what the other

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team's like, their skill level. I can't predict what the other players on my team are going to do completely. So, I can't control any of those people. I can only control me. And so, if I'm going to control me, I'm going to come really prepared. I'm going to have the right attitude and I'm going to put in the

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right level of effort. And if I've done those three things, I've done every possible thing I can do to be successful. and I should be proud of how I performed. Now, does that mean I'm not sad if we didn't win? No. I mean, it

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doesn't take every piece of emotion out of it, but it's not the only piece. It's not the only thing. And so, we're kind of promoting some balance. I know we're almost on time here, so

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I'm going to skip that, actually. So point out the good as much as you can. Even if there were three things that happened that were bad, try and point out the good as much as you can as parents because that encourages them.

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And so this is what I was talking about earlier is the last thing we want is to look have our athletes or us looking back years from now with regret about the experience and having everything be negative. It's sort of like you both work too hard for

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that and we really want them to come away with a positive experience even if they quit at some point. So can they bounce back? Yes. Um, this is a couple different ways to cope. So, we have I know we don't have a

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lot of time to go into this, but there's a lot of different coping strategies that we can work with kids on. So, whether it's emotion problem, meaning different areas of focus. Um, they can return to activity after burnout. So, it doesn't necessarily mean

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they need to stop everything, but sometimes we slow it down, sometimes they stop for a short duration. So you kind of have to work it work it out with them a little bit and then if symptoms start to reoccur you have to

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back up again. So there's no there's no mystery about what's needed here is they need rest and more rest and they need some different tools to cope with pressure.

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Um last thing here so alternative resources. So if you don't know a lot about neuro feedback, so neuro feedback is something that helps train the brain for performance. So it's a BOF feedback type of training and basically there's

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like sensors on your scalp and it uses sound, visual things, um tactical things that help regulate your brain waves. I know this sounds a little crazy, but it really works. So these are all the types

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of brain waves we have. And on the right side, if you can't read it, like for gamma brain waves, that creates insight, peak focus, ex um expanded consciousness, like each brain wave has sort of highlighted things. And when

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you're doing neuro feedback, what you're doing is going through this process. So you kind of in identify an imbalance, you go through the visual or tactical things that help kind of rebalance and

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read the brain waves. And then there's a software involved that kind of automatically sets where everything is at an optimal state. And so basically your brain starts to get trained to go from this state into an optimal state.

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It's not as difficult as it sounds. Honestly, it's something very simple that um a lot of times there's also remote pieces like I can do it with with kids that are in a totally different place as long as they have the equipment. All my software connects and

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you can see what they're doing. Uh benefits, brain relaxation, it can improve concentration, mood, sleep, um all of these things. A lot of professional athletes actually use this. And so really with this, we're trying to

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just quiet the mind a little bit and be able to kind of reconnect. So I know that was a lot fast, but I hope you guys get a sense of like the gravity of what this can be and also as parents what we can do about it to try

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and help. Thank you, Stacy. that it's just um I mean my mind was just spinning, you know, the during so much of your presentation because it seems like it's not it's translatable to areas outside of just sports, you

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know what I mean? And I mean, so many of those um, >> you know, tactics or um, you know, things that we could be doing, techniques, I guess, um, we could and should probably all be doing some of those things um, to live a more balanced

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life. It does help. And I always tell the kids, the things I teach to them is, yes, I'm teaching it to them for their sport, but I want them to learn it for their life because they're going to have pressure moments all throughout their life and need to know what to do or um have times that they face adversity and

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be able to bounce back. And so, as much as we can teach our kids that now, the better off they'll be later. >> Absolutely. And ourselves. I mean, we just are better parents when we're, >> you know, >> Right. We we are we're better parents when we're centered as well.

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>> Yeah. Rest rest and rest. Um we do have a few questions. Um do you have just a few minutes to Okay. Um one let's see here. [clears throat] Um this is u more of a comment. She's a new student um at Douglas County and um sometimes when she plays sports she

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always feels down and she looks or focuses on the fun in the sport. Um, which kind of piggybacks on what you, you know, had suggested like re rediscovering >> reconnecting to what you liked about it in the first place. >> Exactly. Exactly. So that um that's a

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good tip. Um is there a perfect age for athletes that you work with? >> I I wouldn't say necessarily perfect, but I typically work with middle school, high school, and college. And the main reason is sort of before middle school.

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They almost are, this sounds odd, but too squirly like [laughter] like just to take in that kind of information. And so they have to be maybe just a little bit further along. Um I think the youngest that I've ever worked with is maybe 11

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or 12, somewhere in there. >> Makes sense. as they get older, you know, they really can also relate to things a lot more and so they're able to kind of cement it a little bit better. >> That makes sense. They've had, you know, more experience under their belt and

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they can >> Yeah. You know, >> and if they're really young, let them play lots of sports, like trying as much as you can. I mean, yes, there's certain things we're going to like and not like, but let them try multiple things. I mean, sometimes that's a good thing at that age, too.

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>> Absolutely. That was another question is do you feel like kids have to lock in earlier to a sport or are you seeing that? >> No. And I mean I'm not saying that no club or coach will ever tell you that

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>> but honestly no they don't need to. really where they need to is when they get to the level that they can play club um at that point in time or like for example I'm trying to think what uh real is called

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but once you get to a certain kind of level where you can't miss anything like nothing or you're going to sit on the bench at that point usually people have to pick because you just can't like my daughter played club basketball and club

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soccer at the same time in the beginning. It was a disaster. It was just a nightmare. Like we were somewhere every night, every weekend, every every every ounce of time and she still missed some for both sports and then would get upset if she didn't get to start.

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>> And so once you get to that level really you need to pick for them but also just for yourself for your own sanity. >> Right. Right. Well, it becomes allconsuming to the family unit and then you know if that's not your only child

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um you know that has an impact on you know the other family members as well. Um, another question that we had, do you only work with athletes or do you work with other, you know, like maybe theater or band or >> Oh, yeah. I work with all the

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performance. And honestly, sometimes people just ask me to work with their son or daughter even if they're not in any of those things, but they see like that they struggle to manage pressure or make decisions or certain things like that, too.

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>> Yeah. Yeah, that makes sense. And um again, you know, it's just all techniques and things that we should probably all be doing, but incredibly relatable um you know, on many different levels. So, well, and the arts can be just as much. I mean, sometimes the

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fatigue is different. Like, it's going to be different for a dancer and a football player, but they both have it. Um, and even when it comes to voice, for the kids that are really doing all the extra stuff, there's a lot of vocal cord related things. So, it can manifest in

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lots of different ways, too. Yeah. Yeah. Um, that makes sense. Well, yeah, that was just um again, you know, thank you so much for sharing with us and um we absolutely, you know, whatever links or or anything that you want to include, we will certainly include, you know, your

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information um as well. if if somebody wants to get in touch with you or their um you know their student does. But um just really really appreciate your time and your expertise tonight. It's such a um topical topic um and just great great

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you know techniques and things that are easy to um take a minute think about you know and implement into our routines as as you know parents because we do want to do the best for our kiddos. So really really appreciate that. Thanks for

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listening to the DCSD Notebook Parent University Archive podcast. [music] Make sure you subscribe and listen to our podcast wherever you find your podcasts. [music] [music]