good evening everyone we are going to get started in just a minute or two here we want to make sure we give everyone time so welcome to our our nurtured heart approach parent University we'll just give everyone about a minute or 90 seconds to get
settled and get all of our attendees in from the waiting room good evening everyone Welcome to our parent University we're just giving everyone about a minute more to get settled and get in from the waiting
room we'll get started in just a few seconds all right well good evening everyone my name is Jessica Smedley and I am the director of counseling here in West wior Plainsboro Regional School District and we have another exciting parent University for you tonight about
um introducing you to the nurtured heart approach and two of our District employees um Miss Pena nadong um and Mr Jonathan Walton and um I'm going to let them do a little bit more intros of them of themselves but I just want to talk a
little bit about some housekeeping items before we jump into our topic which is um telling you a little bit more about the nurtured heart approach something that we're excited to bring into wwp this year and um so our n the nurtured
heart approach is sponsored by um a grant that our district received called the developing resiliency with engaging approaches to maximize success program so we call it dreams for short it is a a joint venture between the division of
children and families in New Jersey and the New Jersey Department of Education and um so it's actually a two-fold grant that our district was lucky enough to get which included um funding for training uh pemma and John in the nurtured heart approach to bring it to
our school district as an approach um for both our parents and families caretakers but also primarily into to come in and train our staff and figure out how to incorporate the nurtured heart approach into our culture and climate within each of our school
buildings so they are going to tell you a lot more about that um so just a couple housekeeping items we are recording tonight's webinar so um you can certainly um take notes if you'd like but within the next few days certainly by the beginning of next week
we will have this um with the transcription up on our district YouTube site so you can find it there if you missed anything and I just want to give a Coming Attraction for the end of the program um We Are Tonight is really just a quick introduction a one hour
introduction sort of giving you an overview of the nurtured heart approach so it's not the full training um but it is something that we are looking to kind of gauge interest from our families and caretakers about bringing in and sort of doing parent caretaker training um
coaching that kind of thing so we're going to have an interest survey at the end of tonight's program but it'll have a QR code so you can scan that at the end with your phone or other device and um we look always look forward to hearing from you so if you have questions about tonight's program you
can follow up with any of us um we all have our district uh first name. last name at wwpr rsd.org emails um just one other item is that we have the chat feature for tonight turned off uh but we do have the Q&A turned on
so it's going to be a lot of action-packed information packed next um 50 55 to 57 minutes um so I invite you to just kind of listen and participate but if you do have a question we probably will not have time for a full
Q&A session but we are recording the Q&A and can certainly follow up if you have a specific question that we're not able to get to tonight and would like some followup please feel free to leave your contact information in that Q&A the Q&A is not public so you won't see no one
else will see if you've asked us a question but we all three of us will be able to take that and respond to those questions afterwards so um without further Ado I'm going to pass the presentation over to PMA hello everyone so my name is pemma
Nong and I am the dii coordinator for the district as well as previously being an Elementary classroom teacher and a multilingual teacher at Dutch neck elementary school so uh our main goal with the nurtured heart approach uh the
PD offerings is to offer an asset-based approach to fostering positive relationships with our children for both our staff members as well as our children's parents or and or Guardians so while initially targeted to Intense
or high energy students re research has shown that implementation of this approach with all children has positive outcomes this approach was created by Howard Glasser and as a licensed
professional counselor Howard found that the trading he received did not work with the challenging with challenging children and as he reflected on his own experience as a difficult child he realized that the energetic interactions
below the surface were really controlling situations and from that realization he created the nurtured heart approach and when on to found the nurtured Heart Institute Howard deduced that it was not attention that children were seeking but
rather relationship and don't all children benefit from positive relationships um while Howard started NH with behaviorally challenging children in mind um challenging in it as a
synonym really to Intense or high energy um parents teachers and therapeutic professionals have found this approach to be effective with a variety of children um in group settings or as a parent with multiple children using this
approach with only one child and not the whole family or as a teacher not the whole class can backfire as uh children might behaviorally flare up to gain the same enhanced relationship that this approach can offer
many people treat intensity as the enemy through nurtured Hearts nurtured heart's approach uh the lens of nurtured heart we're asked to think of intensity more as a life force many influential individuals in our world in the history
of our world have shared this trait of virate intensity so think about people like Simone biles Albert Einstein Bill Gates the nurtured heart approach is designed to show children who will grow up to indiv to be individuals like these successful individuals that the
greatness of who they really are just as they are harnessing that intense energy into positive outcomes this approach is about changing the lens through which we see each other as human beings and how we see our
children focusing on affirming our children's greatest attributes and helping them to see and nurture them as well well I'm going to hand it off to John now sounds good thanks Padma um I'll introduce myself quickly too uh my name
is John Walton I'm a right now I'm the seventh grade school counselor at Community Middle School uh before that was a high school counselor for about 17 years uh and I have been a classroom teacher and I've coached for that time too so lots of different venues in which
uh some of the the parts of this technique can be applied uh and it's cool to talk talk to you guys as parents today too because we've talked mostly to Educators and I think this is a really great parenting tool okay so I'll kind of get into uh piggybacking a little bit off what pemma talked about uh and that
is that the conventional discipline methods aren't always great fits for these students that Howard started with these intense students and sometimes we uh use intense to we have other adjectives that we use like um troubled
or um uh discipline problems things like that and a lot of what Howard would say is the reason uh that students get these labels is because of the fact that the conventional methods that we're using whether it be uh in our world in the classroom or in your world in your house uh sometimes don't work for students
that are labeled in intense in this uh in sort of this framework and he says that things that that sort of fall into this conventional way of doing things would be yelling and screaming because a student whose intense is drawn to Strong energy and uh when they get strong
energy they tend to keep wanting more and more strong energy because it gives them the connection they're looking for so things like power struggles uh arguments uh timeouts where there's not a defined amount of time or limits to it um things like that end up becoming not
the best way uh to communicate uh and align our energy in terms of doing things all the way from discipline to getting them um to buy into what we'd like them to buy into uh and often times it actually makes the situation worse because these students are trying to
connect but the only way and in this case parent uh children uh that you're working with and um what will happen is that they'll keep seeking out the connection but they'll seek out the connection through uh that Intense or negative energy as opposed to a more
positive or neutral energy and the next slide that we're going to go into is I'm going to talk about the idea of building inner wealth and the nurture hard approach goes off of the idea that all students have a portfolio uh of
experiences ways they see the world feelings thoughts they have a created portfolio and what happens for a lot of these students that Howard is defining as uh intense is that most of their portfolio is built up of either negative experiences or highly energized
experiences of which most of these experiences are not necessarily the type of energy that leads to productive outcomes uh in many situations so what we're trying to do in this approach is we're going to work with them to not necessarily replace the portfolio they
had before because there are certain things that happened before that might have consequences that that are still around even as we're trying to realign them to better energy but also there's things that can be learned uh and growth that can come from what we know about the old portfolio but pretty much what
we're trying to do is build a portfolio that's built more on energy that and energy that is positive or I guess what we would call neutral in other words not highly energized in a negative way but not necessarily over-the-top positive
and what we're trying to do is also acknowledge when students both make progress that we can see but even make attempts towards um towards progress in the right direction which can be kind of counterintuitive because I think it's sometimes it's easy to think we we
either are successful or not successful at something we're doing but this approach really puts a lot of strength into the idea of acknowledging actively and in the moment when students are making attempts to do um what we would like them to do or things that we know are good for them um and I'm I'm using
kind of students and children here interchangeably because obviously as parents you interact with uh teachers in the classroom and some of this same energy can be aligned or not in lined uh both in classrooms and in home settings and can be successful in other
approaches so I look at it as really integrative across uh all forums but at the end of the day the building of the inner wealth is this idea of creating a new portfolio um on the next slide um what we're going to do is now we're going to kind of get into the nuts and bolts of
the methodology and there are uh three stands uh like a stool that Howard uses there's absolutely no absolutely yes and absolutely clear and pemma is going to be covering absolutely no and absolutely yes which is kind of G to explain these
energies and uh you know sort of how we avoid the negative energy identify what it is and then also talk about the positive energy uh and some reframing or connecting with that energy and then the last part is going to be absolutely clear which I'll I'll cover which is
sort of how do we apply this in things like behavioral consequences or uh movement in the right direction with starts and stops along the way um and one of the things that comes up quite a bit uh and Howard really likes stories
and analogies and um I hope you do too because I'm going to be using a lot of them today uh especially my part about absolutely clear uh but one of the stories he tells is about uh he calls it Toys R Us analogy and his idea is that we and our energy and our connection and relationships are really uh the most
exciting toy that a child uh or a teen could have and he sort of says that when you look at toys or or even items that are popular uh with not just I would say kids I would say adults as well a lot of these things are things that immediately
grab our attention they have a a lot of they bring excitement to us they're things that make us want to stay engaged with them they're interactive um they often times they have a lot of things that draw you in and allow uh students to kind of match their energy and engagement with what
the toy is providing them and that's why things such as you know smartphones and and uh devices and uh you know even like more complicated toys that that have lights and video games is another one that we'll talk about later but these
are things that really have a lot of Engagement uh and also uh give a lot of feedback and not necessarily negative feedback a mix of feedback but clear feedback uh to the children that we're working with and so he says really at the end of the day though we are like a
toy and that we could also provide that feedback back that engagement and those uh that really positive energy that kids want to keep keep engaging with us and keep moving in the right direction on some of the things that we would want uh in order to continue to have the ability
to engage with us and so we really should begin to think about ourselves as uh the most exciting toy or an entertainment center uh with the greatest features another way for him to put it so he kind of says when you're thinking about the energy you want to put into the world think about it often
as trying to create a version of yourself that would be sort of like a a toy that u a child would want to engage with so if we move to my last slide uh choosing more energy and I'm not going to go too much in this but because pema's going to spend quite a bit of
time getting to the nuts and bolts of this but really what we're trying to do is we're trying to in terms of the words we use in terms of our framing of situations and even our view of how we react to things not going perfectly the
way we'd want choosing words and choosing framing that allows us to kind of lean more into a positive or and I wouldn't even say it worst or a more neutral energy to acknowledge um good energy for positives and neutral
energy to um address things that we would want corrected as opposed to a clear negative energy uh and I don't want to step on pema's toes right there but that's a little bit of what uh the absolutely no and absolutely yes stands will be going into right now so I'm
going to turn it back over to her so stand one really ask to be and inal about where our energy is going um behavioral changes in ch in our children cannot begin until the child
per receives that that old pattern of response where connection and energy would go to those intense behaviors until they that that negativity and them through the intense behavior is no longer available to them
so um I have a video to share with you for us to kind of reflect on about this stand um but just a little C caveat to that is we did a test run earlier and unfortunately our sound is not working so we're going to be flexible and we're
going to just imagine that we can hear the sound but I think you'll get the message by just really um paying attention to what's going on with um this adorable child in the video and then I'll ask you to kind of reflect on what you're noticing e
what you can't hear is that the crying stops when um the child doesn't see the adult recording e so maybe some of the things that you noticed were that the child was following the parent and throwing himself to the ground and what you
couldn't hear was that there was a lot of crying and wailing um you might have noticed the well- behaved dog following the parent around um and the parent ignoring the negative behavior right like leaving the room and then the um child following again and throwing
himself to the ground and crying um maybe you were thinking to yourself that the parent was um doing the absolute no right refusing to give connection to and energize the negative behavior but maybe you also might have
noticed that there were some missed opportunities um let me go to our next slide oops there we go so while stand one is about Not Giving energy to negativity we don't simply
want to ignore high energy or negative behaviors um as this can up the ante or invite escalation ignoring can actually teach um kids to get better at getting worse so so this the crying there was
actually kind of getting a little louder um and it was you know happening for a while there when ignoring as the adult we can sometimes miss out on the moments when the misb behavior is ceasing um as a kindergarten I was a
kindergarten classroom teacher um if a child was in the habit of having a tantrum when he or she didn't get a chance to play at a specific Center during Choice time um you know you if you walked into my classroom maybe you might have thought I was ignoring that
child but I was aware of what was going on what I would do is I would often you know affirm and name the positive behaviors going on on around the child um to the other child and I would also be paying attention to what that child
was doing within the Tantrum and the moment that I saw the child make um a move towards a positive behavior whether it was a calming breath or maybe he or she would move towards another Center or take a break right and kind of um take
some soothing time I would try to immediately affirm that choice and point out oh great great choice you you sad because you couldn't have that Center time but you you chose to take a breath and think about what you could do next right so we don't want to just ignore as
a passive um experience we don't want to just tune out we want to refu refusing to energize is actually a very active experience we want to hold on to our energy until the first opportunity to turn it back on for
the child such as when the baby stops screaming in that video we watched so we're not affirming that high energy crying where we're staying neutral to it so that we can then be ready to affirm the positive behavior so this is not
always an easy thing for us as adults right um to do so we have to really develop our own social emotional skills as well um really thinking about Tri our own triggers um and developing our patience and coping skills during those
high energy or intense moments to to help us to refuse to energize that negativity right um so which then leads us to stand to absolutely yes so in absolutely yes I
relentlessly create and energize positivity and success I energize and nurture firsthand experiences of success so with stand 2 I want to always be on the lookout for success and name those
successes for my child or student now the issue with catching a child doing good is that our ability to catch what is wrong is stronger along with our language around that so in this busy world we as adults can get caught
up in what needs to get done right we were just actually right before the webinar the three of us were talking about all the things that we need to do right and how that can be stressful and so we're rushing off to the next task or event and you know if we have children in our lives it can lead us to say
things like why aren't you ready yet you should have had your homework done by now right or maybe if your child is making the right choice or our students in our classrooms um you might not always acknowledge that or you might just say generic oh good good job right
when when a child does something right so what do we do about that we need to use stronger more specific positives that navigate around defenses that give evidence of greatness what does that mean so our standards of what qualifies
as good can sometimes be ambiguous so instead of saying a generic good job we need to build on our positive language be and be really explicit Howard draws a parallel to General praise as being junk food it feels really good in the moment
to say you know good job excellent amazing but it has no nutritive power it it's empty communication it's not really adding to our children's our students inner wealth or that that portfolio that they're carrying around so we really want to be thinking about how do we add
to that portfolio right we want to make sure that that posit positivity is being felt and digested and that they're really understanding how we see them and what makes us see them like that so for stand 2 we want to give children authentic
recognition that includes clear evidence of success and is connected and real we're not just trying to make the child feel good we're trying to build their understanding of their inner wealth and help them curate that portfolio of all the positive
characteristics that they hold right and we're giving them evidence of that so um one tool that can be helpful is uh this list of emotionally nutritious words that harod has shared um it's in that we
can use where instead of doing that generic good job when a child does something positive we can affirm the specific characteristics that completing those tasks might say about them um like getting your homework done before dinner shows me how responsible you've become
right so we're naming the the concrete action that the child is doing and then linking it to a positive characteristic so these are words words that are um positive traits or examples of greatness that our children might carry with them
right so you might say something like getting dressed and ready for your day without me reminding without me reminding me reminding you shows me how self-directed and ready for your day you are right and so now your child is adding that compliment that really
concrete compliment that shows who they are into their inner P portfolio and carrying that with them into their day into their classroom and and thinking to themselves oh I'm self-directed I know how to do what I need to do to be
successful at home and then at school as well right so we can build their these CH our children's inner portfolio of how they view themselves in a positive way with the type of language that we as the adults are using to curate their understanding of who they are and how we
perceive them so we have to really be having that kind of positive dialogue with them throughout the day so as I said before our sound does not work so I'm going to play this video um which shows what stand 2 can look like in a classroom it is close
captioned and for anyone who's just listening as they drive or anything like that I will read the close captioning for you what would you like to use Marlette uh well okay cat a cat the teacher says someone in tribe two what
would you like to use Brianna a dog a dog boys and girls you work so well together right there thank you for not fighting or Feud feuding over what you were going to choose in that group and tribe for what would you like to choose
Angela Angela says a frog a frog boys and girls put your eyes on me before we do our vote let me just take a moment right here to say during that process no one no one was fighting no one was saying pick me pick me I want my
answers you could have been fussing and feuding and yelling about what you wanted but you were respectful to each of your classmates in your tribe you know what that shows discipline it shows discipline exactly Briana thank you
Haley and it shows teamwork it shows you are disciplined first graders and you have teamwork kissed your brains for that hold on while I just okay there we go so what did you see in that video and what did you hear from me sorry that went pretty fast I tried my
best so think about what you saw there and what you read or listened to as I was trying to be the sound um the teacher was naming the concrete things that were happening in the classroom and what type of positive characteristics those um behaviors illustrate ated those
um concrete behaviors Illustrated and she was using something called proactive recognition talking about what could have gone wrong but didn't so there are different four different types of uh recognitions that Howard teaches about which if you join us for the three-hour PD in the future you'll learn a little
bit more about um so I want you to think about this classroom example and then think about home with your child right I want you to reflect on a day in your life with your child or children and what little successes happen throughout
your day together that you can energize by naming them and connecting them to some of these emotionally nutritious words that I'm sharing on the screen right now how can you build your child's inner wealth what are the little things he or
she is doing that show you that your child is appreciative or uh intuitive loving kind-hearted respectful thankful right can we and let's kind of make a plan in our for ourselves that we are going to name
those things for for our child or children and help them to add that to their portfolio so we have to build the foundation first remember that we must build a foundation with stand one refusing to give energy to negativity in
order for stand two energizing ing positivity to have its intended impact we have to create time in that is Rich and established or time outs which John will talk about a little bit more
cannot have the intended impact then limit setting can be effective which brings us to John and Stan three perfect well and now we have a framework for where uh Stan three is going the absolutely clear and Stan 3 is
usually the one where even people who've bought in including us Educators they say all of this sounds great and I'd like to do this and I'm going to work towards this but what about those situations where we have to address Behavior or put it into practice is this stuff really going to work and one of
the first things I think that we should talk about is the idea of creating the environment and ourselves moving in the right direction is the first step towards this process working so at the beginning you know always trying to use emotionally nutritious words always
being able to frame in that absolutely yes or absolutely no language is going to be difficult and it certainly is not something that you need to be perfect at at the beginning much like what we want the kids to do moving in the right direction what we're trying to do is set a framework over time where this becomes
the norm of what kids are hearing a little bit so I want to start by saying that that uh it's not going to like immediately come easy to you and it's not going going to be something that the first time a kid hears it they're going to always completely comply or go along with it but over time it is pretty
amazing how uh the framework that you set becomes the environment that you're going to be uh delivering these consequences out in and if we go to the next slide uh there's two sort of core tenants to this and I'm going to use an example that kind of shows how we know
kids do respond to this uh and that one is that with these students that are intense uh what we have to understand is that while we're taking them out of time with us which we've defined as something that we want kids to understand is their
best time that relationship that connection with positive energy that idea of being in the game with us so to speak uh and connecting if we take students out of that type of energy and that type of environment often what ends up happening is the energy is
inconsistent and so the kids read it as negativity and or they try to do things that get your attention whether it good be good bad or indifferent is kind of what they're going for and then it becomes that cycle of kids continuing to do provocative things or know how to
push your buttons as you'll hear sometimes we give that energy to negativity with screaming or um taking away things uh and while these things can work in terms of immediate consequences I think Howard asked you to say in the longterm ter if these things
keep coming back this consequence we're giving is it really about changing the behavior or is it more about making us feel good and kind of looking at it and saying are we getting what we want and are we just giving energy to negativity all the time so that is a framework one
in terms of what we want to think about when we're delivering consequences doesn't mean that there won't be consequences because there have to be but it's sort of means how can we continue to give those consequences or use techniques that sort of go more into a brief period out of connecting with
you and then a path back to connecting with you or an experience whether it be in your house in the classroom on a sports team that they have shown that they want to do and the idea is that students will work towards that uh if we create that enriching environment and if
we go to the next one the second idea of why these time outs uh whether they be putting you know someone in a Timeout away from from action like you would do with a younger child right like I'm going to put you here for 15 minutes um sort of the shorter period of time
Howard would say Howard would say is better but taking away things and taking away our time from them is going to be another way to think about timeouts in this framework uh and a a big thing of what this approach says is that when we haven't set up that sort of way of
communicating that accentuates moves in the right direction or positive energy acknowledging what a what a person a child did uh that was either in the right direction or all the way what we would want them to do reinforcing that
that's sort of the behavior that we want and then framing it in the larger context of uh that we see that and we acknowledge that because that gives them a piece of that relationship and sort of when we go off of the idea that we are taking away the relationship really
being aware that that when we do that and we do that consistently or over time uh we do not have that energy that ultimately is going to Spur change uh or create an environment where students are feeling that they're connecting with us in a healthy way um and then if you
extend it all the way to the beginning with the portfolio what that would mean is that it continues to be those uh non those negative interactions non-engagement in the portfolio that builds up over time so those are two reasons why it doesn't fail so how do we
do this and one of the things uh that when we present this to uh Educators that we work with that really connects with them is this idea that we see examples even with our most intense kids of being able to engage with video games
for and there's a sports analogy with this too that that is going to be talked about a little bit later because that's another area where students can spend lots of time uh engaged and not uh unengaged while also having clear rules and consequences and Howard says that
one of the reasons that a student May struggle in a classroom setting or at home even for like five after five or 10 minutes but can play a video game for 4 hours is because they have an understanding of the system they have an understanding of consequences and they have a relationship with the game that
gives them that positive energetic connection and even the negative interaction that they're getting is clear they understand why those consequences are happening and they're able to get back in the game as quickly as possible so some of the ideas uh in a
list that that was shared with us in terms of the understanding of video games and why that environment is is one that so many of our students connect with is the incentives in video games are very clear you're getting points you're getting coins you're getting tokens uh you're on uh boards kids know
what it looks like to succeed in that area and the game constantly reinforces it um and over time you can build up to greater and greater rewards as the game goes on as you get more and more connected with the game so you're building that connection with the game
and you are seeing um positive uh encouragement from that and rewards from that especially when you're doing what the game wants you to do to both stay connected and advanced through the game uh there's also it's a rich environment for Success you can take chances in that
environment and even if it doesn't go the way you want uh we can you can still get reframed in the fact that even if you were to die in a video game in a game that has lives for example what happens is it doesn't allow you it's not that you can't play the game again you get restarted there's a consequence um
you were not able to be successful you saw hopefully why you weren't successful or if you kept doing that one thing you would continue to be unsuccessful and the game restarts and our kids are able to stay with that because they're invested in the game and they're invested in the environment that they're
in um the punishments are not personal so it's not like the video game's having a bad day with you or they think the video game doesn't like them they understand what the consequences are and when the consequences are deal are doled out they're doled out to everyone in exactly the same way so it's not
necessarily personal it's sort of that neutral energy in terms of identifying uh a negative consequence or a negative decision along the way it doesn't mean there's not a consequence you have to start over or you lose a a video game Life for example but um you get to go
right back in the game very quickly um the the energy is uh also there's Bells there's whistles there's music there's energy kids are getting in positive stimuli along the way to really reinforce uh just like our tone and our
posture and our praise right being delivered with that positive energy the video game does that through all of those features like music whistles and bells uh and the rules are clear predictable and easy to learn kids can pretty much jump into a video game adults maybe not so much we've seen that but
uh kids you they they are bought into the video game environment they can quickly understand the rules or someone can explain it to them quickly they're clear they're predictable they know what goes on yes maybe over time certain mistakes they make in a game might have a bigger consequence but they always
have the chance to start over again and this is why uh in Howard's approach and I would say what I see too explains why someone who is sort of getting messaged in a home or school environment as not being stay engaged can stay engaged for hours and hours and days and weeks on
end in a video game environment so as we move to the next slide um the sort of the idea with that is that as I said before players and officials uh know the rules and they're not negotiable here's where he talks
about basketball and basketball is another example in sports is another area where we see students who may not be successful in certain areas connect uh and I'm going to use basketball but it could just as much apply to to baseball or hockey or individual sports
like tennis and golf all of these Sports have sort of rule structures that operate the same way uh when you think about basketball right when you do something that is not allowed you get a foul uh now you can foul out of a game if you keep making the same mistake over and over again it doesn't mean you can't
play the next game but what it means is when you make too many mistakes in one game it removes you from that game but individual fouls don't foul you out maybe it leads to a free throw maybe it uh uh the ball gets taken out of Bounce but a basically a player can immediately
re-engage with the game and it's not an end of it but it wasn't that the behavior wasn't acknowledged it was that the behavior was acknowledged clearly quickly in a way that uh the person playing could understand uh another example he uses and it's going to be in another slide but I'll say it here is
the idea that even a a a toenail over the line right there a toe or a toenail over the line is a toe over the line and the idea behind that is you're not negotiating the rules that you've set out it doesn't mean that you're not you're enforcing them but he would say
engaging with negative energy would be arguing about the rules or the semantics or getting drawn into a long drawn out back and forth and once we've created that positive energy and that relationship connection with you that a child wants to have it's going to be
quicker to move to this where you enforce what the rule is you acknowledge what rule was not addressed uh and then you quickly allow an opportunity for uh the
child to come back into the environment when they have sort of uh been given the consequence and then afterwards when they start to make progress or do not break that rule again we're using those active recognitions that pemma talked
about in terms of showing that we also understand when there's movement in the right direction as opposed to just engaging solely with the negative and that as I said before Perfection is not required uh it's going to take a while for all of us it's going to take a while for them to understand our expectations and deframe the
environment we're working in it's going to take a while for you just like it does for us to be able to try to be consistent in terms of using those emotionally nutritious words or uh not going into that negative energy uh when uh there is sort of a rule that's being
broken and it's going to take a while for it all to come together where it's like wow I get rewarded from and gain energy and feel really good about this way of engaging with my parents my coach my teachers my friends and uh you don't
have to be perfect at the beginning it's really about these baby steps towards uh creating the framework that over time leads to that true change that transformation um and then the next slide if we go to that I think this is
my last one before I turn it back over to Pema is that children do not awaken by the fear of punishment they awaken to their greatness and one of the things that um in my job as a counselor I often say is that we we want students to
understand rules we have Norms we have mores that we work off of but just the idea of punishments and people following it just because is a relative concept and pretty much all Behavior to some degree is a choice and what we are trying to to do is use this approach to
incentivize the choice that children make in terms of their behavior and their engagement with us with energy into into a relationship and an environment where they see that the choice that is the one they connect with best is the one that awakens their
greatness but also is one that doesn't negative uh engage that negative energy set of strategies for helping children and us as adults to use their intensity in successful ways and awaken to their greatness so um this approach can be
used in the school system as well as at home and I think you know I've said many times to our students and staff that we're stronger together and um if we are using this approach both at home and at school I think we can see some our children really seeing their own
greatness and adding to their inner portfolio right um creating these positive Relationships by choosing not to energize the ne negativity and really show children how their positive behaviors illustrate their the amazing characteristics that they carry within
themselves and out into the world as as they grow and become citizens out there um so we hope that this presentation was helpful to you it was really just um a little dose of the nurtured heart
approach and there is a longer 3our Workshop which we're hoping to be able to share in the summertime so if you're interested in that we invite you to scan this QR code and submit your interest and preferences for timing and if
there's a need for child care and if you have other questions um or just kind of f a focus that you'd like for that Workshop to take for you to share that information with us through through this survey um so we really we thank you so much for spending this time tonight with
us and for being a great audience and we apologize for some of the technical difficulties that occurred with the sound um thank you so much thank you so much thanks everybody and um we always just want to as in closing just want to
remind everyone in case you weren't here at the beginning we are recording tonight's presentation so we will have that posted on the districts YouTube channel uh by the beginning of next week um we did have a request in the Q&A for some of the um sort of handouts or the specifically the emotionally nutritious
words and we do have an opper we can share that so you can reach out to um any one of the three of us individually via email for that and if I can figure it out we can also try to post those along with the video I'm just not exactly sure how to do that but I'm going to rely on our Communications team
and our Tech Team to help me with that um so look for that and we look forward to seeing you again at another parent University and hearing your feedback about the nurtured heart approach and our presentation here tonight so thanks again you can give you one more minute
there to scan the QR code and we look forward to seeing you again and hearing from you again about how we can help support um our the whole child across all of the spectrums of our district so thanks everybody have a great night